UNIX, it's a gas; grab that VAX with both hands and make it crash. UNIX, it's a hit; Don't give me that PC DOS Bullshit. I'm into well benchmarked POSIX Open Systems I think I need a RISC chip. UNIX, jmp back; I'm all niced now pop your frame off of my stack.-- Jim Flanagan
I got keyboard corns on my fingers, I got a Ethernet Pad for a brain, I got a VDU to prop up my mortal remains. My programs always fail, I got a strong urge to MAIL But I got no-one to MAIL to, MAIL to, MAIL to.. Oh, babe, when I send down the phone, There's still nobody on... Does anybody here remember DEC? Remember how the manual Was useless to me In every way. UNIX, what has become of you? Can any other O/S be quite as slow as you...
Is there anybody out there? (repeat ad nauseam)
Log onto the system On that lurid green screen You'll find there's no response! Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing crash, One of my bad hacks! Would you like to watch TV, Well, that's no use to me I want to watch you squirm As you try to get logged on! Do you want to call the OPS, Do you think it's time I stopped? Why are you running away?
What shall we use to trash The filled up spaces on the archive tape? How should I hack and leave no traces, How shall the system completely fall?
Good Morning, ROOT, your honour, The dump will plainly show the user who now stands before you Was caught red-handed in the system Crudely hacking in a truly vicious nature This will not do! CALL THE LOGFILE! "I always said he'd come to no good didn't I, ROOT, your honour, If they let me have my way I'd have him banned from the VAX! But my hands were tied, The bleeding hearts and artists Not to mention the Dave Prices Wouldn't let me throw him off!"-- Alan Cox <iiitac@pyramid.swansea.ac.uk>, Leon Thrane, Jim Finnis, Alec Muffet <aem@aber.ac.uk> & (?)
He's a real UNIX Man Sitting in his UNIX LAN Making all his UNIX .plans For nobody Knows the blocksize from 'du' Cares not where /dev/null goes to Isn't he a bit like you And me? UNIX Man, don't worry It's the tube that's blurry UNIX Man The new kernel boots, just like you had planned He's as wise as he can be Programs in lex, yacc and C UNIX Man, can you help me At all? UNIX Man, please listen My printout is missin' UNIX Man The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command-- Brad Morrison
PC's are PC's So why should it be Yours and mine communicate so awfully PC's are PC's So why should it be We cannot communicate with the RS-232C? So they're different makes And they're different breeds And different PC's have different needs You tell me that you hate this That I've done something wrong I've only followed the manual so what could I have done I can't comprehend Why aren't the bytes At the other end Help me comprehend Help me comprehend Now it's punching And it's clicking And it's beeping at me I'm relying on the salesman's guarantee So far no bytes have surfaced Of the ones that I sought They just take a while to travel From its RAM to its port
Hello, my baby, hello, my HACKER, hello, my ASCII gal Send me a kiss by MAIL (BY EMAIL), baby I hope you're FEMALE. If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone. Oh, baby, email me, and tell me that ... I've got a little baby and she's out of sight, I TYPE to her across the INTERNET (no sweat). I've never seen my baby, but she types alright, And CompuServe is causing quite a debt. so... Hello, my baby, hello, my honey, hello, my sys-admin, Send me a kiss by MAIL, Don't let our modems fail. If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone. Oh, baby, CYBERSPACE can be a lonely place... Hello, hello, hello there, tell me that you're mine, buzz my modem line.
(Original: Pressure by Billy Joel)
You have to learn to pace yourself FORTRAN You're just like everybody else FORTRAN You've only had to write Pascal So far But you will come to the day When the only thing that counts Are megaflops on a Cray And you'll have to deal with FORTRAN You used to call me paranoid FORTRAN But even you can not avoid FORTRAN You swore that ENTRY's a sure road to ruin Now here you are with old code COMMON blocks are misaligned Assigned GOTOs disturb your mind And you cannot handle FORTRAN All grown up and no place to go Pascal, Prolog, What do you know? All your life is a Lisp machine, Linked lists, quicksort, What does it mean? FORTRAN FORTRAN-- Thomas Koenig
better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus <north pole >town
cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus <north pole > town
who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}
Decimal digits in a row,
Just set the dials and let 'er go.
The ENIAC was grossly slow --
I used to code that way,
But then this Fortran came along;
I danced and sang a happy song:
So natural -- what could go wrong?
I little knew, that day!
I've looked at Fortran both ways, now,
At II and IV, and still somehow,
It's rows of numbers I recall;
I really don't know Fortran at all.
Fortran IV is real good stuff,
But business hackers have it tough;
For them this Fortran's not enough --
Then Cobol saved the day!
But now I sing a sad refrain;
This Cobol loss is no one's gain,
And writing programs is a pain
(I get writer's cramp that way!)
I've looked at Cobol both ways, now,
I code in it, and still somehow,
It's FORMAT statements I recall;
I really don't know Cobol at all.
Cobol will for business do;
Accounts and payroll make it through
(And bills for zero dollars too --
I get them every day!)
But those who hack symbolic frobs
Cannot make do with Cobol jobs,
And now I sing through anguished sobs,
But Lisp is here to stay.
I've looked at Lisp code both ways, now,
At lambda forms, and still somehow,
It's Cobol statements I recall;
I really don't know Lisp at all.
-- The Great Quux ( with apologies to Joni Mitchell)